Eat My Shorts

I got a three hour dose of STI prevention today in Womens Health. Although I learned nothing new, I may have thought of the next best thing to be sold at the "As Seen on TV" store. Upon discussing the shortcommings of the male condom--most noteably its inability to fully protect you from viruses like HPV and herpes, a lightbulb went off in my head. Why hasn't anybody invented polyurethane shorts with a pouch for your wang? Maybe they could fold up into a travel sized square and guys--or girls, since we seem to carry the burden of preparedness as it is-could just have them in case they are out for the evening and have the good fortune of meeting a promiscuous drunk woman with vomit in her hair and a broken heel. Neither my classmates nor my teacher took this idea seriously, but honestly, if you are not willing to look stupid, you probably shouldn't be having sex at all. Think about it.

Love Potion No. 2009

We already know that hair gel makes it easier to identify assholes from a distance. Unfortunately, the same assholes who wear it have realized this as well and are entertaining more drastic measures to keep their preferred choice of retardohair from losing whatever credibility remains. In this time of economic instability, the people that make their living selling it to them are now making it more difficult for us to enjoy fending off their advances.

got2b is marketing hair gel called Magnetik that claims to contain male pheramones: "A man's secret edge to make the ladies take notice. So get your game on...because this sh*% delivers firm hold and natural shine ~ and gets the ladies revved up."

That is not only ridiculous, but it insults my intelligence and I feel bad for anyone who pays $5.99 for it at Wallgreens, because when I see it, I will be personally removing it from their bathrooms, not unlike I already do with hair gel of the regular variety.